I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
