He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
