We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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