I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
