Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
