Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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