idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
