nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize