Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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