her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
