You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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