I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
only if we run a train.
done.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
