We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize