After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
