I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize