I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
