Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
