Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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