He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
