I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
