Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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