you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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