hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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