I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
