Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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