Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
