Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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