i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
