I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
