So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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