I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize