sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
