you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
