All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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