I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
