I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
