Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
