I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
