my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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