there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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