i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
