he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
