She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
