She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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