Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
