Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
