I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
