great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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