I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
