I accidentally had phone sex last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
