He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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