hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
