Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
