I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
