Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize