my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
