i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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