from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
