as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will be naked everywhere
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize