Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is wine microwaveable?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
