Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize