i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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