Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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